A Light Reprieve from the Grind of Teaching

Alt_Edukation is a serious blog, because American education is in serious trouble. But it doesn't mean that sometimes we can't look at things lightheartedly. I usually don't post things like this, but today I really needed a break from the serious:

You Might Be a Schoolteacher if...

  

...you have no time for a life from August to June.

...you want to punch the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!"

...when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

...you refer to adults as "boys and girls."

...you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."

...you've ever had your profession criticized by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

...meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

...you believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

...you know hundred good reasons for being late.

But...But...it's *sniffle* for the children

Politicians, and school administrators like to wipe away a tear, and, with lips trembling say "it's for the children," especially during election years. But as every good investigator knows, to see where ones priorities really lie, just follow the money and not their words.
It seems every year a group of Americans, and it's probably even the same group, flies over to the same school in Finland and asks, "So what are you guys doing that we are not?"
I especially enjoy the "oh-not-these-guys-again" look on the faces of the Finns. Yeah, ummm...didn't we already tell you for the last three years (1) pay teachers well, treat them like and trust them to be professionals, (2) stop testing every other week, and (3) attract the top, not bottom, 10% of your college graduates and give them top notch training to be successful in the classroom (see step 1 above...again)?
And so, the American education ambassadors gleefully catch their flight, excited about the news with which they shall usher in a golden age, a renaissance, of education in America. And then, suddenly, perhaps they travel through some Bermuda Triangle-like memory eraser. Their planes land, they disembark, and run to Washington to cut all education spending and introduce marketplace competition into public schools. Vouchers, "research" driven curriculum, charter schools, the use of tests to measure teachers; all a philosophy that the Finns watch from overseas and promptly shake their heads in disbelief. What's the Finnish word for, *facepalm*?

Some 'Cyber Schools' Falling Short

Cyberschool isn't for everyone. I've taken online courses, and while I don't hate them, I much prefer the face-to-face time in a classroom. NPR recently featured a story highlighting K12 . In case you didn't already know, K12 is "the number one choice in K-12 online education programs in America." Apparently, critics see many "irregularities" in their test scores as opposed to the wonderous progress they claim they can make. Administrators and politicians, who looked upon K12 as yet another magic bullet, are disappointed that K12 didn't just fix everything with a wave of their wand. But how are these people surprised?
Here's my personal experience, one that is not too uncommon, say, three to four times a year: A student comes to my class, and doesn't do the assignments, doesn't study, doesn't follow the rules, causes problems, doesn't seek additional after-school tutoring, and on and on and on. Of course during the parent/teacher conference, this is a result of my poor teaching and my over all poor performance as a decent human being in general (I'm mean, I yell, I spit in their faces and kick them in the groin when they try to turn in assignments, and other absurdities.)
The student is then transferred to the other 8th grade science teacher and promptly doesn't do the assignments, doesn't study, doesn't follow the rules, causes problems, doesn't seek additional after-school tutoring, and on and on and on.
"Well," snorts the parent, "It's obvious that you all hate my poor baby. I'm going to home school him/her'" and the parent walks up to the guidance counselor and signs them out of school.
To successfully complete an online course, one needs certain skills and attitudes. Can you work independently? Can you ask questions and be persistent until you find out the information you need? Can you meet a deadline?
Now, think back to our student and parent of the year duo. Do they sound like they possess those kinds of skills? The short answer is, of course, no, and THAT is why they don't succeed IN school or OUT. A student who refuses to work with a teacher lording over them sure as hell isn't going to work while mom is out of the house from 8am-5pm.
And so, inevitably the parent returns the student to us the following new school year (even more behind than ever), complete with how the Cyberschools were "out to get her." Perhaps next time I might just explain to her, "Ma'am, maybe K12 Cyberschools just hates your poor baby....like the rest of us."

Finally! Merit pay for teachers in New Mexico!

As we all know, teachers do what they do because of the opportunities they have to strike it rich. Much like the "talent" on Wall Street, you remember them? You know, the ones who nose-dived our entire economy? Anyway, much like them the more financial incentives there are for teachers, the more likely there will be superior testing results.
After all, if you don't pay someone top dollar, they just won't work for you. For example, the executives at Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Bear Stearns, and Lehman Brothers, all were acting upon financial incentives to ensure that their companies were the cream of the crop. Let's look at Bear Stearns for example. They were in the middle of the financial crisis, but as a result of their financial incentives, they came out of the crisis with....wait, no...ummmm...ok...forget about Bear Stearns. So, what was I saying? Oh yes, financial incentives equal better results. Okay, so, uhhh, take Lehman Brothers...yes, Lehman Brothers! Because they were paid according to their performance, during the financial crisis they were....wait...where is Lehman Brothers? They still exist, right? No? Huh...weird. Ok, well forget about all of that, because regardless of what happens on the free market stage of Wall Street, it will surely work in public schools.
And even if it doesn't, or even if there is NO evidence for the effectiveness of merit pay, the state of New Mexico announced today that they are going to try it.
Again, we have MORE reform, based on old ideas with no evidence, that address an issue that is not a problem. Here's an idea? Why not try "student merit pay?" After all, aren't they the ones who have to study? Don't they have to complete the assignments?
Also, why don't we apply this idea to other areas? Shouldn't we give our soldiers merit pay? If so, wouldn't we get more kills per bullet? I mean, sure they are doing a great job of killing terrorists, but imagine how much better our results would be if they were paid PER terrorist killed? Or, let's have congress on board with this? The current approval rating for Congress is about 15%. If we are going to base teacher pay on approval rating (from parents and administrators) along with test scores, shouldn't we also do the same with other public employees? Especially those who pass laws that impact the same teachers? I think so. That means, with a current salary of $174,000 and an approval rating of 15%, our representatives SHOULD be receiving $26,100 per year. Based on what I'VE seen concerning their competence, that's still a bit high.

A Florida Student Speaks Truth to Power

(reprinted from Dianeravitch.net) I am a high school student who attends a public school in Seminole County and I applaud you for this blog. This past year especially I have felt as if every other second I’m being force-fed a meaningless statistic about how wonderful the education is in Florida and how we are excelling by leaps and bounds, while I watch teachers and students alike suffer the consequences of these careless political decisions. Our school’s media center is also a “Hub for Technology” computer lab to be used by teachers for testing, and 124 out of the 180 school days it is being used for just that – PERT, EOC, FCAT, AP, SAT, ACT, semester exams – when are teachers supposed to have the time to teach? We worry about budget cuts (to an already laughable budget), but while faculty and staff are being laid off and programs cut, the money is being handed away to test makers. These tests give us meaningless figures to show everyone we can that we’re “progressing” but personally I believe we are regressing. And the evaluation systems for both teachers AND students are so ridiculous, it’s as if the public school system is a parody of itself. The pressure a teacher is put under to have all of the correct phrases, learning goals, and “percentile gain” methods on display in their classrooms; I honestly don’t know how they manage to do it. Stopping to have every high school student hold up a hand gesture and gauge their understanding on a lesson every time one is taught, just because these Marzano techniques were highly effective in ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS is, to me, insane. I don’t even know what to do about any of this either aside from hope that someone with power, someone with common sense, someone with a love of EDUCATION, realizes what is going on and decides to take action. Because seeing my teachers crumpling under stress due to the greed of heartless politicians is something that I can hardly stomach.

US Students Rocking the AP Exams

Finally, a little good news. Our top students are knocking the AP exams out of the park. As they should. This is a sharp bunch. Unlike their peers, they watch the news, they know from conversations with their parents that their education is under assault. All eyes are watching them, AND their teachers, to see if they'll be the hero or the zero. But I'm actually not that surprised. As a teacher, I see this everyday. The "honors" kids, to whom I teach chemistry and physics, smirk and shake their heads incredulously at the "other" classes that can't even remember how to calculate D=m/v..."Mr. V, now which one get's divided by which one again? The top or the bottom number?" *sigh* *facepalm* *sigh again* So, why do AP kids seem to just "get it?" As a science teacher, I always ask, "What's the variable?" Current reformists/politicians would like for you to believe that these children MUST have had the best teachers EVERY year which is why they are the BEST students. Just ask an administrator; there is no factor other than instructional quality, which is why all students would be Rhodes Scholars if we could just get these deadbeat teachers to do their damn job! I suppose that's one way to look at it. In fact, it IS the way they currently look at it. But what about this? In my honors class I have two children that come from doctor families, I have one child who is the daughter of the county assistant DA, another who is the son of an engineer at White Sands Missile Range, and a few who are the children of Air Force officers. What's the variable? Sit in a parent/teacher conference with these parents and you'll see the variable very quickly. Engaged, supportive parents who know the value of an education. Couple that WITH superb teaching and you get results like those seen in the aforementioned article. But great teaching without parent support, and parent support without great teaching? Forget it. Education- it's a team sport. Come on parents...let's get on the field...together

You just want to blame someone else!

I hear this charge often. It's always the same old line, "Oh you teachers....you just want to point fingers and make it be someone else's fault." Well, but if it is someone else's fault, or if they are at least partially responsible, then....shouldn't we? Isn't it our duty to say, "Hey...wait a minute. You know, all of this is not the result of just my actions." I don't see how that is an attempt to "shift blame." When I think of people who try to "shift blame," I think of unwarranted actions in which there really is no one else to blame. For example, if I am out in a row boat, and my dumb ass grabs a gun and tries to move it out of my way and it goes off, then I, and only I, am to blame for the water that is now rushing in through the hole in the bottom of my boat. But, if in that same row boat is another person, and they move the gun and it goes off, then it is my fault for telling him to grab the gun, and it is also his fault for f***ing up and putting a hole in my damn boat! That's not "shifting blame,"....that's what's known as "describing what actually happened." So, when I tell people, "Look...it really is quite disturbing, but there is an entirely generational shift of students who stand and say, 'I ain't gonna do it and you can't make me!" When I say that, I am not trying to "shift blame." I am stating a matter of fact. Here is a recent occurrence whereupon I was confronted by some especially poor scores on an assessment. I was puzzled. I stated clear learning objectives based on state standards. I taught these objectives to students using different learning styles, media, and group activities. They took traditional notes, they made vocabulary "boxes" for each main word of the chapter. We generated our own hypotheses in a hands-on lab opportunity....and on and on and on. Trust me, I'm no worksheet king or queen. I thought, as I often do, "What did I do wrong?" I think any good teacher has that as his first thought. So, since it seemed as though I had done at least a decent job of teaching (I even asked the kids, "Be honest...really...is it me??") I polled the students by having them anonymously writing on a post-it, the reasons why they received the grade they did. I gave the students two choices since they all said it wasn't me, they liked the lesson, it was fun, etc. Their two choices were, as you see below: did you need more teaching? Explaining? Or....did you just fail to properly study/prepare? The question was, "I got the grade I got because __________" You see the results....now go out and reform that. Base teacher merit pay on that.

Schools in crisis, reforms not working, U.S. federal panel declares

I hate to say, "I told you so," but...well...actually, I don't hate to say it...I LOVE TO SAY IT! So, without further adieu...ladies and gentlemen...scholars...children of all ages...I TOLD YOU SO. In case you missed it (in the title of this post AND the link above), today a federal commission said that the US education system is in crisis. Not many of my readers will recall my very first post. That's because I didn't HAVE any readers! It was just me, a regular, pissed off teacher in the trenches with a modest gift for gab, going postal on the "lets-beat-up-the-teachers-and-see-how-quickly-things-improve" reform movement (read my post here) In my original post I said:

But the alternative is what every great teacher knows: Educating a child is a team sport, one in which, currently, only one player is being blamed for losses. Instead, all players should ensure that they are doing their part. And, perhaps even more importantly, to educate a child, the complex must be made not complex. Currently, bureaucrats with little to no experience in education are ensuring that this, too, is not being considered. Their answer is to make the simple complex, and things will get better. Sure they will. How's that working so far?

And so now, in light of the aforementioned article on the progress of reform, I repeat my statement....how's that working so far?

And when everyone is super....

I heard a school counselor once say, "If you don't go to college, how do you expect to be successful?" Actually, it is a common statement by teachers, too. "You've got to go to college children. Otherwise, you'll be looooosers...cackle-cackle." Well, ok, so maybe they don't actually cackle when they say it, but if you ask kids, they certainly hear it. Students are assaulted from all sides-parents, teachers, other family members- with the idea that they MUST go to college. I say it HURTS public schools. That's right. Expecting every child to go to college, HURTS public schools and even our country in general. How, you may ask? First of all, there is a clear shortage of skilled tradesmen (and tradeswomen...don't leave nasty comments). One needs only to Google it and look in the "news" category, though here is one example. Secondly, think of the law of diminishing returns as well as simple supply and demand. For example, why does the Honus Wagner baseball card sell for $1.2 million dollars? One word: RARE. And the value of anything, including an education, is determined by that same word. You see, when I think of the idea of everyone going to college, I think of the following scene from
Disney/Pixar's "The Incredibles."

I believe one of the biggest reforms that we could undertake in the United States today is to stop this "everyone-goes-to-college" ideology. Students don't want it, and neither do teachers who are completely honest with what an education actually is. There's hardly anything that comes out of Texas that I agree with, but if we want to be globally competitive, then we need to open college paths to the best and brightest students and we need to open skilled trade paths to the best and brightest workers. Stop trying to shove all students into the same predetermined square. Read more about the Vocational Bill in Texas that, I think, is a step in the right direction.

Michelle Rhee on The Daily Show Feb. 4 2013

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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It's been awhile since Michelle Rhee appeared on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Feb.4). And it is not entirely an accident on my part that I have waited this long to comment. Rarely do I find my writings to be at their best when I take to the blogosphere while irritated and/or frenzied. Taking a week to calm down is actually pretty short in comparison to the usual "mental health holiday" needed anytime I read an article or watch a video featuring Michelle "I-took-a-5-week-summer-teacher-training-course-and-taught-for-three-years-and-then-became-a-political-appointee" Rhee. What I find most interesting in her interview(s) is the incredulous act of, "Whaaaa? Why so serious everyone? What did I do?" Granted, Michelle, no one wants bureaucratic school district behemoths full of positions created simply for people to pull in a salary. Who doesn't have that at their school district? For example, at the district in which I work, we have a "professional development coordinator" with a very comfortable salary. However, we do not have professional development funding available for teachers. Michelle, I get that! But I take issue with Ms. Rhee's philosophy of, as succinctly and masterfully put forth by Jon Stewart, "Here teachers....fix everything or your fired!" You see, poor Michelle can't understand this perspective. As you see in the interview, she dismisses the comment and continues with her scripted, rehearsed sound-bite agenda. After all, she has no interest in how concerned teachers are about being fired. Much like Saddam Hussein's infamous Gulf War video with children on his lap, Michelle hides behind the guise of doing everything "for the children" (the old political line that pops up on a 2-4 year cycle). She does not consider the fact that "the children" actively refuse to study and complete assignments. She does not consider the fact that "the children" often sit in a parent/teacher conference and feign ignorance when the parent says, "Well I ask them if they have homework and they always tell me 'No'" She does not consider the fact that "the children" eagerly show up for *insert favorite sport here* practice until 7 or perhaps even 8 o'clock in the evening. But math practice? She does not consider the fact that many charter-public school comparisons show almost NO DIFFERENCE in academic achievement. According to Rhee, all of these things, and much more, are entirely the fault of the teachers and their broom-riding, ruby-slipper coveting union representatives. Now I'm not pro-union, either, but I am pro-let's-call-a-spade-a-spade. In Michelle Rhee's world, if a child isn't performing, it's completely the teacher's fault, with no responsibility whatsoever on the parent or the child. She continues to erroneously and, what seems purposely, misquote Linda Darling-Hammond's highly referenced study in which teacher effectiveness is the most important factor IN THE SCHOOL. Michelle Rhee, and virtually all policy makers, continue to misrepresent this study and ignore research that shows NON SCHOOL factors like parental involvement have a far greater impact on student test scores than any teacher. I do not know why this escapes politicians and administrators. I do not know why they think it has nothing to do with a child's success, as if education is something that is done TO them, rather something that they are ultimately responsible for. I wonder if the same thinking process is employed in other areas of her day to day life? While at the grocery store, when the sale item rings up incorrectly, I suppose it is the bag boys fault? When she takes her car in to be serviced, and it doesn't get properly repaired, I suppose she screams for the head of the salesman on a silver platter, even though he works in an entirely different department? Perhaps she takes her tax receipts to an accountant who forgets a few deductions, only to yell at the receptionist who had little to nothing to do with her tax document preparation? Does she come home and find garbage strewn throughout her house, and then chew out the goldfish in the bowl? You see, the point is, Michelle, you wanna know why you are not "fixing" education, and why you never will? Because you are focusing on a variable that is not the primary causal agent. Are there bad teachers? Absolutely! Are there districts full of salaried imbeciles? You better believe it. But let's start with programs and reform efforts to engage parents and have them be more active in their child's education. No one needs a PhD to grasp the fact that parental involvement is THE factor in the success of a student. Teacher effectiveness is #2, and only #1 in the school environment. You want to "work for the children?" Start here...with their home life.

Krazy Things Kids Say

Me: So what is the meter used to measure?
 Student: Distance
 Me: And what is the liter used to measure?
 Student: volume
 Me: and what is the gram used to measure?

 Student: Weed?

Teacher Merit Pay

I love students who choose "B" on a multiple choice question where the choices are F, G, H, and J....LOL....headin' straight to medical school, huh? Yes, please pay me according to how students who don't give a &*@# do on their test.

So How do You Write a Blog Post....

when you want to quit teaching? When you want to just give up? When you can't tolerate another day of enabling or incompetence? When you fight the urge to get up, in the middle of class, and walk out never to return? I have a lot to say...but to whom? It doesn't matter to anyone. Not the students, not the parents, and it sure as hell doesn't matter to administrators/politicians. Quite frankly, it becomes more and more obvious each day, they just aren't interested in real, meaningful reform

Education is Broken (Part II, or, Where the Teachers at?!))

In an earlier post, I referenced the overall purpose of this blog: "The purpose of 'Alt_Education,' is to examine education as a profession and approach the many issues in education from a logical, rational point of view; from the perspective of an everyday teacher in the trenches (read as: the opposite of what the Ivory Tower education bureaucrats do)" And while I have written numerous posts on the frustrations that a plain ol' regular teacher experiences from within the system, the issue of the aforementioned ivory tower education bureaucrat experts should be addressed, too. After all, shouldn't we listen to experts? When the President wants military advice, he seeks the wisdom of military leaders; men and women who have experienced the stresses and strains of combat. When one wishes to get medical advice, I should hope that they consult with medical professionals. Again, it seems logical....rational. Unfortunately, one of the main reasons that our education system cannot seem to find its way, is because that the same common sense approach that I have applied to the previous scenarios is not an approach employed by the Education and Workforce Committee. While at the Education and Workforce Committee website, please click on each member's name, and read about their extensive experience in K-12 public/private school teach...ing...no, actually wait a minute. Don't do that. I must apologize for I'm sure my readers are very busy people. Let me save you some time....wait for it....Not ONE of the 23 members of this committee has EVER been in a K-12 classroom (well, aside from a photo op, I'm sure). Lawyers? Got those! Doctors? There are a couple of them, too. Heck, this committee even has a former helicopter pilot and a Marine artillery officer! Pretty cool, huh? But no teachers. So, I propose that Washington continue this line of reasoning in ALL of their committees, proceedings, and affairs. Let's stack Homeland Security and the Joint Chiefs of Staff with peace activists from UC Berkeley. Let's put herbal shamen/medicine men/voodoo/faith healers on the medical and healthcare subcommittees. Or, how about filling up the chairs in the Senates Special Committee on Aging with teenagers? Wait, I know! This is the one! Perhaps the House Committee on Intelligence should be appointed with people who aren't actually very intelligent. Actually, I think that last one has been done. If you've ever wondered, "Why can't we seem to fix our schools," this might be a good place to start. Contact your Congress person and ask, "Why are the power brokers, the decision makers, the politicians, the ones who have never seen the teacher side of a classroom, in charge of education policy?"

Progress Check for Jason Glass, Iowa State Director of Education

Two years ago, I posted a number of profiles for new politicians, errrr, I mean "educators," who had been appointed as the education leader in their states. Most of these people, like infamous Washington D.C. Superintendent Michelle Rhee (3 years of teaching experience), have little, if any, actual classroom experience. This is the main factor in why they cannot seem to solve the most obvious of problems in education. What seems as obvious as the roundness of the moon to people in the classroom, eludes these people and their doctorate degrees. So how has Mr., excuse me, Doctor, Glass been doing? Recall that he came into office so that he could bring his "experience to bear on how teachers in Iowa are evaluated and paid." Well, kind reader, I'll let you examine this article and sound off in the comments below

My Annual Teaching Evaluation

I would like to take up a little blog space with a weekly feature examining the teaching evaluation process. Last week was my annual teaching evaluation. Every year I look forward to the event as it my chance to showcase what I do everyday. As a level III master teacher in New Mexico, I am required to have the instructional quality of my teaching practices scrutinized only once per year. As much as I harp on the fact that the number one factor in a students learning is parental involvement studies also show (most famously a study by Stanford professor Linda Darling-Hammond) that the number one factor AT SCHOOL is teacher effectiveness, and I agree. The evaluation process is intended to ensure that the school side of things are taking care of business. However, I find most of the evaluation process ineffective, and here's why. To begin with, let's examine the process of scheduling an administrator to come into a classroom and observe ones teaching. At my school, as in many others I suspect, the teacher signs up for a specific date, and is given weeks and weeks of advanced notice and coaching on lesson plans, pedagogy development, hands-on activity practice, etc. In other words, it is quite common for a worksheet King or Queen (that's school speak for crappy teacher) to schedule a very innovative Dog and Pony Show/lesson once or twice per year (depending upon ones level of licensure). After their evaluation, in which the administrator applauds what a wonderful teacher/King/Queen they are, many (most) ineffective teachers devolve back into the instructional path of least resistance, from whence they came: worksheets, word finds, crossword puzzles, and other canned curriculum resources that result in very little learning. These are the ineffective teachers who believe that giving assignments, talking for 45 minutes, and teaching/learning are the same thing. Incredulously, they exclaim, "What? How in the world did you fail that test? I mean, I talked every day and you took notes...how could learning not have occurred??" Then, they roll their eyes and just can't believe how "kids are these days." Instead, I find the idea of scheduling my evaluation to be disingenuous. It is not fair for the teacher, the process, or the students who must continue to have these poor teachers. I have instructed my administrator to come in whenever they wish (they still insist that I sign up, though), and do a "pop" eval. I've told them to bring guests from around the district (politicians, parents, superintendents) and to bring cameras and record my teaching. After all, shouldn't I be on my "A" game everyday, and not just as scheduled? Shouldn't every lesson included learning standards and objectives? Obviously, I am not on my "A" game everyday, but neither is any human being. I think that is normal in any career. I don't think it is unreasonable. I don't think it is anything to fear. Let me know what you think in the comments section.